As I was hobbling through the mall cane in hand dodging the millions of people that decided to come out on this chilly day after Christmas. If you have RSD and I know most of you do that will read this, you know how much I was taking my life in my own hands stepping foot into one of the biggest malls on the day after Christmas! My boyfriend was very nice and walked slowly with me as we made our way to the restaurant. I suddenly felt like I knew how a snail felt in a fast paced forest. Except my forest creatures were blood thirsty consumers with small ankle biters by their sides. Finally we made it to the restaurant! Woohoo! Food!
We sat down at the table after waiting for a little bit. Everything around me was fast paced and overwhelmed me. It suddenly reminded me why I kept to low populated areas since being diagnosed with RSD. Sitting at the table waiting for them to bring us our food felt longer then it should have. The vibration of the walking around me suddenly felt like everyone in the mall was marching in step and stamping their feet hard.
These little things are something that I have noticed since getting RSD. I wonder if it is because I have slowed down but I can notice just little things and I adjust to keep from getting hurt.
RSD is definitely eye opening. Needless to say I grew up with an elderly grandmother my whole entire life. Sadly I used to get impatient and tired of walking slow and staying at her pace. It is weird with the shoe on the other foot. Other people have to remind themselves or I have to yell out to them…. “Wait for me guys!”
I am only 22, I may not be in college anymore but I live life like a normal young adult my age. I spend time with friends, I have a boyfriend (Which is AMAZING!), I go to Church, and I have hobbies. My RSD effects how I go about doing things. I have to be patient. It is a test of my endurance I joke, if I am doing it slower it means I am doing it better than normal, cause perfection takes longer.
I never thought that I would be disabled , battle with workman’s comp before age 20 and then stare into the long scary face off SSI before the ripe old age of 22. It scares the living poo out of me most days. But I am lucky, very lucky, I have been blessed with the family and friends that I have and they help make that future not as scary. I and my boyfriend talk about the future and he reminds me that he is willing to do anything for me. Disabled or not he loves me for who I am. That is very rare. He is determined to help me fight RSD as long as he is humanly capable. *Collective “awe!” can commence now*
My friends that I am closest to now have only known me with RSD. They don’t know how I was before and I am sometimes thankful for that. I believe I was a very shallow person before. I didn’t think about anyone else and always wanted the lime light. (I was an actor…..yeah) All in all RSD has changed my life for the better in ways.
My future sometimes looks and feels unstable but we can try our hardest to make it the best present and future we can. I for one look forward to maybe getting married within the next 8 months or so. I look forward to becoming more active in my church, and also to growing in Christ. Also to being the person I want to be. To look back on my life when I am older and say I have no regrets. I lived my life and it made me stronger for today.
I never knew at 22 I would have such a plate full of problems or medical bills, but all in all with the people I have met, both RSD and Non-RSD related, since the diagnosis I couldn’t see a better way to be living my life right now.
I pray that your pain is low and your heart is full of love. I pray that you take things slow and don’t get too hard on yourself, because you are amazing. RSD isn’t what defines you!
Now live life to the Fullest!